I was saved shortly after my 18th birthday. At that time, I struggled inside with a lot of depression. I would often walk down the road to a park, walk up to the top of the hill, and there I would pour out my complaints and tears to God.

On one such occasion, it was after nightfall. I wept and wept. I'm not even sure what I was praying about, but my whole life hurt. After I had been there for a long time, at least an hour or so, I stopped. I wasn't sure what else to say. I had listed every sorrow and complaint that I had. There was nothing left.

And the Lord quietly asked me, "Am I still good?"

What?!?

My life was, I believed, a hopeless mess. I felt alone, shrouded in depression. I was angry, and I was hurt. The darkness around me was not just the night sky, it was a 'thing' that surrounded me and engulfed me, threatening to destroy me.

"Am I still good?"

I looked beyond my circumstances, passed the darkness and sadness. High above, untouched by my screwed up life, was God.

Jesus, my loving Jesus.

And yes, he was still good. That was a very important lesson for me: Even when my life is a mess, God is still good.

Tonight at church, I learned another lesson.

I have been feeling around in my heart trying to discern what I want to be when I grow up. A pastor? A missionary? Perhaps a life coach, or speaker? Perhaps a business owner who supports missionaries? Or, maybe I'll just continue with being an office manager?

It's all very confusing! I love so many things! My interests are so varied, and I love learning...but soon, my interest will be focused on something else. I'll be off down another path. Sigh.

So what am I to do? Which way should I go? What is the best thing for my life?

(Now, I know that Jesus has given me liberty to pursue any goal that my heart desires, but rather than helping, that seems to make the matter so much worse. Oh, how I wish he would just tell me the ONE thing that I should do! But he is quiet. And I am confused.)

Tonight at church, I saw myself standing on a road. But I didn't see a path to take, or a neon sign pointing the way. I was wrapped in a gray, tangled up ball that looked to be partly a ball of yarn, and partly a ball of spider's web. It was impenetrable. It was as if a fog had been wrapped around me.

And that same voice asked, "Am I still Light?"

What?!?

Even when I don't know the way, even when I don't have the answer, even when my little world feels like it is floating dead in space....is God still Light?

And I answered, "Yes, " because it's not about me. It's about him. He's never been lost. He's never been confused. He is the Way. He is the Light.

Jesus, my loving Jesus!

Thank you.